My life story (at the moment)

So, I only do these blog things in the middle of the night when I have random thoughts flying and need to express myself. I usually share too much about myself but I am an open person and like to share.

Here goes. So my groove has been thrown off so much. I am out at BYU-Idaho as most of you know I moved out here in April. 

When I got here a tragedy happened when my sweet niece fell into a swimming pool and I was told "she is not doing good, you need to come home". I flew home less than 48 hours after I arrived here and stayed home for a week. My sweet baby girl returned home to Heavenly Father. I miss her more than most could imagine. I took it a lot harder than any other death. I have lost a lot of family members but this one was just really, really different. Most don't understand that these kids are my world. Gage and Jada have been the light of my life since the day they were born. It has been really hard not being able to spend time with either of them but it has definitely been tough knowing that when I go home my Jada won't be there to see her "Aunt Ashwee". I know there have been a lot of people that just don't understand why I have been upset but I am so thankful for those who have been so great. There have been so many who have supported the family and helped in so many ways. We are eternally grateful for you all!! Also, thank you to everyone who signed Jada's Law, we really hope this will help to save another family from feeling the loss we have felt.

BYU-Idaho is a school nothing like anything I could have ever imagined. It is amazing!! The teachers are really caring, the classes are super small, and the Spirit can be felt all around campus. It is so uplifting to go to school here. I have had a really hard time getting into things and I really HATE my major but I am pulling through and I am going to make it through this semester. I have been praying constantly to Heavenly Father to find out what my mission here on earth is. I pray constantly that I may find a major that I will be able to help Heavenly Father's children. Hopefully the answer to these questions will come soon so that I may be able to get on the right course and finish college.

I miss my family and friends so much. They mean the world to me and they don't have any clue how much I miss them. I know they want me to come home but I know I am where I need to be and unless Heavenly Father tells me otherwise this is where I am going to be. It is a constant struggle because I miss doing things with them and spending time with them. My mom and sisters birthday have passed and my grandpa's is this week. I have missed mothers day and soon fathers day. It is so hard to be a country away on these important days knowing that I have always been there with them before.

I miss my YSA calling. I miss it a lot. It kept me on the "straight and narrow". I miss all of the YSA and of course Brother and Sister Russell. I never knew how much I would miss that calling. I miss going to dances, playing volleyball, beach activity, firesides, etc. It is so weird being in Idaho and not being in Florida for any of these activities. I also miss all of the people who influenced me in the church in the Cocoa stake. There are so many who don't know how much they mean to me and how much I look up to them. I know a lot of these people have also left Florida and moved on but they will always mean a lot to me. I am so thankful for those who introduced me to the church and who helped me to persevere. I am also thankful for those who are still in Titusville that helped me. The sister missionaries who taught me the lessons came and stayed in Idaho this weekend. It was so awesome that they made a trip up to Idaho just to see me. This meant so much!! We were able to talk and laugh and joke about things and I know that they will be a part of my life forever.  I am thankful for Sister Price who told me that if I ever want to learn more that I could take the lessons at her house and she introduced me to these great missionaries.

The gospel has blessed my life in more ways than I ever could have imagined and I know it will continue to bless me and my family. I have made a goal to do more and become better and I know that the gospel will help me in this. I know this church is true and I know that the Book of Mormon is true. Every day I will get up and take each day one step at a time. I will continue to remember and love those at home but to not look back. I will continue to put on my Jada bracelets and to wear my pink. I hope that I can find my happiness and let go of all the sadness.